I stood in my basement today for two hours (literally) talking to my heating guy. He was here to do yearly maintenance on the furnace. Joe and I met this man in 2004, and he also had a motorcycle. The two of them formed a friendship and would sometimes ride together.
We talked about a whole bunch of different things, and honestly, most of them were very unlikely topics for two people standing in a basement. However, it was such and informative conversation for me. He lost his father at age 4 to a heart attack. I had the opportunity to ask this grown man about what it was like for him through the years, growing up without his father. As you can imagine, I have a whole bunch of questions about how my children might be processing this loss. Luckily he is a talker and was able to articulate answers for me, though I understand that grief is a personal thing, and different for everyone.
Still, I appreciated so much the conversation because I was able to see a grown, functioning, "normal" human being standing in front of me that lost his own father at a young age and got through it.
At one point I started crying (in the basement with this person I don't know very well) because he said that my situation as a single parent is most likely "temporary". He said that I will probably meet someone again that I will love like I did Joe. My reaction was "I doubt that" and I immediately started crying.
I just can't imagine that I will ever love anyone as much as I loved Joe. And I can't imagine anyone loving me as much as Joe loved me. I can't imagine that I will ever have that love relationship again. That makes me feel so awful, like the best part of my life is over. That is so hard to deal with.