Monday, November 5, 2007


I am often wondering in my it enough?

The love that I have for my children, the time I spend with them, the things I do for them...I just wonder, can I give them what they need? Will it be enough?

I used to think how lucky my children were to have Joe for a father. He was fun and played games with them and sat with them and read them books. He was loving and outgoing and so unafraid of the world. He was so BIG.

I wanted and thought our children would learn how to live by example. In my head I thought they would learn "X" from their father and learn "X" from their mother....and they would learn what a loving and repectful marriage was from Joe and I...and they would learn that our family of 4 was a precious unit...and they would always feel safe and comforted in their home. I was living that before the accident and now it's gone.

I know that we have friends and family and many people that love us. And I know that we are not "alone". But I also know that that dream above is gone. That is difficult.

So I am always wondering, can I provide my children with all they need to not just get by in life, but to thrive? The way they would have if Joe was here?

The other question I think about and am somewhat haunted by is....Was it enough? I think of this in terms of Joe and I, so specifically....Was I enough? I feel a certain amount of pressure to have been the wife of someone who died young. It probably sounds silly....or...whatever...but I just wonder if I did enough for him.
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