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Somewhere around the second and third month of this ordeal I would have the same thought go through my head every night as I pulled up my covers and went to bed. I would think:
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"I'm steering this ship."
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It's such an unusual thought for me to have. It's a phrase that I would not think myself to use.
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Basically what I was meaning was that I am in charge on my own of my children, my house, our lives. All the choices for their care present and future, are mine alone. It's a big responsibility to be thrust into. I know that I am not alone, that there are single mothers everywhere. I know it's not impossible, but I was feeling the weight of it every night before I closed my eyes.
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