Does anyone remember me?

Right after the accident I remember asking friends that knew me before I ever met Joe, if they thought I could get through this loss. I felt the pull towards these people because I felt like I needed them to remind me that I was a fully-functional, happy person before ever meeting Joe.
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Often nowadays I sit and think sometime of who I was then. I met Joe when I was 23. As I have said before on this blog I have always felt that I have lived a blessed life...blessed with family, friends, love, opportunities, a drive to work hard, and a general sense that life is good.
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I have known for some time that when I married and had children with Joe, I allowed a part of my personality to take a back seat. I fully took on the role of "the responsible one" since I was always somewhat responsible and since there was no sign that Joe was going to take on that role. I smile as I write that, and I mean no disrespect to my husband, but we all know that if there was a good time to be had, Joe was going to have it. I am okay with that now.
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Last night at my griefshare meeting we were talking about what are called "secondary losses" that need to be grieved when you lose a loved one. They are basically roles that the person fills in your life (ex. companion/confidant/cook/mechanic, etc etc). There was a list of them in a book and the question was asked if there was anything to add to the list. I added "fun". Joe was my fun, and it is missing from my life. I am grieving that loss.
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I wish I had never let go of that piece of myself.
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