This week is very stressful for me. There is a hearing on Thursday in which the driver that hit and killed my husband will find out if he will lose his license and for how long. I have the opportunity to write an impact statement that I can read or can be read for me at the hearing and suggest how long his license should be taken away for. Honestly this has been on my mind and causing me to be on edge for a few weeks. I know that I absolutely 100% will do it, and I also know that I absolutely 100% do not want to do it. I am doing it for one reason and one reason only...and that is that Joe deserves for someone to stand up there for him and try to express what he was in this world, that his life was important. That's why I will do my best at it....I just don't know what my best is at this point.
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It will be the first time that I lay eyes on the driver. You know, the guy that drove a dump truck and trailer in front of Joe and killed him pretty much instantly and has never offered me or my family any words of sympathy. I can hear the excuses....maybe someone told him not to for whatever reason and to that I say a big F YOU BUDDY. To some people integrity and being human would be more important than saving your own ass, especially if you kill someone.
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At first just the idea of trying to write an impact statement was just too daunting to me. Now I have kind of a first draft but I sit there and look at it and know that I don't even know how to write it. How the hell does someone contain something like that in words? I just don't even know. The whole thing just pisses me off.
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And to have to stand there and read it out loud...how am I going to do that?
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I just want to get in and out, keep the drama to a minimum and be done with it.