I had this funny memory today as I was looking at the books on my bookshelf. There was one that was pulled out a little (the kids must have been rifling through there) and I hadn't seen it in a couple years. It is a book called "Relationship Rescue". I bought it at a time when Joe and I were kind of having problems....nothing huge just a lot of bickering and not in sync with each other.
So I bought the book and brought it home and I cracked it open one night and Joe walked into the room. I am sure I caught his eye because in those days I rarely read books so it must have been strange for him to see me with one in my hands.
He looked at me and scrunched up his face as he looked at the cover and he said "WHAT are you reading??!" and I got this huge smile across my face and I waved the book high and I said:
"I'm savin us baby! I'M SAVIN US!!!"
We both laughed hysterically and I literally put the book down and never opened it again.
It's funny and sounds kind of silly but I do believe that me buying that book-and him asking me about it- helped us to get through that little patch. Sometimes just the act of seeing someone making an effort is enough, and the fact that we could both see our relationship for what it was at that time- rocky- and still laugh about it made us both feel good. Both of us knew we were committed to each other and staying together, but we also knew that the reality of day to day living could get tough at times.
I miss him a lot in many ways. But lately I have been missing that deep connected feeling that we had. I knew he was always going to take care of me. Not in terms of money or material things, but he was going to take care of me. And I was going to take care of him. And in an instant, that was gone.