Saturday, January 10, 2009

I hope this isn't taken the wrong way and I don't intend to come across as unappreciative because I feel very appreciative for any and ALL positive energy sent my way.

My sister Stephanie wrote a really nice post about me on her blog. I am commenting on it here because I have been meaning to bring this topic up on LEFT.

It is basically this.....I do see the comments on this blog and I receive emails from people, some friends and some strangers....that use words like "brave", "courageous", "inspirational" etc when describing me. Although I truly appeciate these compliments because more than anything else they make me feel **loved** and **cared about** in some way that I can not describe but seems like a valid positive force in my life, I do not feel "inspirational" ever and my moments of bravery and courageousness seem few and far between and almost always private. I just don't connect myself with any of those words and I don't understand why people say them to me. I wish I could understand that better so if anyone could tell me why I represent those qualities to them it may help. Next time you email me or comment, add a "because" at the end of your compliment. I feel rude for even asking that.

The other thing that I don't understand is that idea that I am helping others in their grief about Joe. That's another disconnect for me. Can someone explain this? You don't have to post a comment if you don't want to, you could email me (there is a link to an email address for me if you go to the Chalifour blog, then click on my complete profile.)

It feels weird to me even asking these questions because I feel like with such nice things being said to me I should already know these answers. Maybe it will all come to me some day. Maybe 10 years from now it will seem clear, I don't know.

2 comments:

cindy said...

SOME PEOPLE GO INTO A SHELL AND THEY DON'T DO THE RIGHT THING WHEN TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN TO THEM. THEY BECOME THE VICTIM THEMSELVES AND THEY GO THROUGH LIFE THAT WAY UNTIL ONE DAY THEY WAKE UP AND THEY GET IT. SOMTIMES THAT IS TO LATE. THERE CHILDREN HAVE PROBLEMS BECAUSE THEY WERN'T AVAILABLE TO HELP THEM GREIVE AND GET THROUGH LIFE. YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN A VICTIM AND YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT TALK ABOUT YOUR PAIN. WHICH IS HOW YOU HEAL.YOUR BOTTOM LINE SINCE DAY ONE WAS TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND BE THE MOTHER YOU ALWAYS WERE.THAT ALSO IS HEALING. THAT IS HOW PEOPLE HELP EACH OTHER IS TALKING AND GETTING IT OUT. EVEN IF YOU HAVE NOT FELT HOPEFUL YOU HAVE GIVEN OTHER PEOPLE HOPE. THE OTHER PEOPLE FEEL YOUR HOPE WAY BEFORE YOU KNOW YOU YOUSELF HAVE HOPE. THATS HOW IT WORKS ROBIN.YOU HAVE SAID THINGS ON THIS POST THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE JUST THOUGHT TO THEMSELVES. WHEN PEOPLE KNOW THEY ARE NOT ALONE IN THEIR THOUGHT IT MAKES THEM FEEL BETTER. YOU WERE AN INSPIRATION BECAUSE YOU SAID IT OUT LOUD,EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL IT IT IS THERE. JUST KEEP TALKING .MILLIONS OF PEOPLE HAVE FELT THE SAME WAY JUST NEVER SAID IT. YOU HAD HOPE BY JUST TAKING CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN.IT'S THAT SIMPLE. GOD BLESS YOU ROBIN.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with Cindy. I also want to add that you Ms. Robin are very critical of yourself, a side affect of a woman with high standards. There is nothing wrong with that, I can appriciate it. Just because you can't see what others see, doesn't mean that what they see isn't there.
You are inspirational because you have taken one of the worst life tragedies & kept moving forward and most of the time leaving yourself vulnerable (that takes courage). Even when you feel inadequate, you're not; you constantly try to do the right thing by your children. Most parents are never perfect & most of your doubts/ insecurities sound normal to me- the point is you care enough to keep trying. You have wonderful children, while some of that may be gentetics, I think a larger part is their environment. You must be doing something right... Or a lot of somethings!
It's not uncommon for people to drown their sorrows with unhealthy habits- but not you. You may stumble, but you refuse to fall, even when it sounds like you want to. That's why I think you have amazing strength and courage; THAT is inspirational.
You're road isn't going to be easy, I can't even imagine, but I'm asking for you to be a little easier on yourself. You're a wonderful woman & mother- so suck it up! w/ respect & luv JZ