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I miss Joe so much.

Every once in a while out of nowhere I get this feeling that falls over me and I have a memory of him...something crazily specific. Like I could be doing something, anything, completely not thinking about him at all and this "thing" will wash through my mind. I am always kind of surprised when it happens because the memories are so random and so vivid. I wouldn't even describe them as "memories" because there is such an intense feeling of reliving the moment associated with them. There is one that I've had a couple times that happened a few weeks before he died. We were in Montreal, sitting at an outdoor table having some drinks. I can remember the weather, how it felt to sit in that seat, to be across from him. There is nothing special that he said or I said, it's just the feeling of being there.

I miss him terribly. Aside from the grief and the anger and how I feel and how the kids feel and how they are doing and all the things that must be done in his absense, aside from everything that wraps it all up in a ball of complexity, I just miss him.