Thursday, June 4, 2009

Luke called me "hun" because that's what he always heard his daddy call me. I guess he kinda thought that was my name.

Kids can learn a lot about relationships by how their parents treat each other. They see how two people act when they are in love; when they are repectful toward each other; when they are teasing; when the are mad at each other. I think kids learn a lot of stuff subconsciously by watching their parents interact.

I was completely satisfied and proud of the relationship that Joe and I had when it came to what we were showing our children. I thought of it while it was happening, while Joe was here. We had each other's backs so to speak when it came to the kids. If they were acting disrespectfully towards one of us, the other one always spoke up in their defense. "Don't talk to mommy that way" -or- "don't say no to your father when he asks you to do something". No matter what was going on in our own relationship, if we were feeling aggravated with each other for some reason, we never, ever let that get in the way of treating the other parent with the respect they deserved.

I know not every child has two loving parents in the home for a whole range of reasons. And I know that most of them turn out just fine and capable of having loving relationships. It just kids had it....Joe and I were here and living a great life, ready to parent, loving each other, displaying affection, having arguments, working out problems....all in plain view for our kids to see. But now they don't have that anymore. I hate it.

I am aware that as kids grow up they become more disenchanted with their parents by the week. I know that I have truly great kids. But sometimes I feel so upset that Joe is not here to help me with all of this, and I wonder how and what would be different if he were here to show the kids how their mother should be treated. Would they roll their eyes less? Would they argue with me less when I ask them to do something? Would they still blatanty claim they "didn't hear me" when I tell them something? I guess....probably not. But I'll just never know about that. What I do know is that at least there would be someone there finishing the argument with me. And all the battles wouldn't be mine to fight.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

I hope this isn't unwelcome, but I surfed here via a few other blogs, and I felt I couldn't read without saying something. I live in Vermont, probably not too far from you, and I lost my father suddenly in an accident when I was a child. It's both heart-wrenching and cathartic to read your words, to know what my own mother went through. I'm not sure what my point is except that your story has touched me and that I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace. Take care.