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Last July (at 2 years) I wrote a post on LEFT about what I was still struggling with (here). The following was something that I wrote to balance myself after the two year mark....I did not post it on the blog, I think because I kept intending to add to it. But I didn't. So, it is what it is.....


2 years, I can:

Physically handle all aspects of logistically raising our children alone.

Maintain stability and respect in our home and although things are chaotic at times, the kids are generally happy; loving; not acting out in abnormal ways for their ages; and truthfully *great* kids. (in other words- read between the lines- none of us have “gone off the deep end” from the trauma of losing a father/husband)

Deal with the house and all the maintenance/upkeep issues that need to be addressed, either by doing them myself or finding the appropriate person to do them for me.

Drive by the place where you died, without taking the long way around, at least 50% of the time.

Sometimes, look at the kids “in the moment” and enjoy how beautiful they are or admire something they do or say, without simultaneously feeling sad that you are not here.

Sometimes, tell new people I meet or people I come in contact with, why I am a widow without shedding a tear. In other words, explain what happened without getting overly emotional.
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