Thursday, December 3, 2009

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Sometimes I feel guilty for bringing such pain to the lives of my sisters' children- Jesse, Heather, Joshua, Kristyn and Jenny. It is not rational, I know. I didn't cause what happened. But I brought Joe into my family and had I not done that, they would not know the pain that they do in losing him.

It brings me to tears to think of these "kids" that I have known since they were babies to know such pain. To be old enough (unlike my own children) to fully understand the depth of the loss. When I think about it I just want to say I am sorry a thousand times, so my sweet nieces and nephews, here's one:

I am sorry.

I know you loved him and he loved all of you too. Really loved all of you. He saw you as kids and felt protective over you, just as any good uncle would. There is an exception to that- Joshua. For obvious reasons (being the oldest and actually being a young adult) Joe saw Josh in a different way....one that he and I argued about. Joe treated Josh more as an "equal"...as a friend.....just different. Although I do believe, looking back, that this was the right relationship for the two of them, I didn't always like it. Josh was our family's first collective baby. He will (probably) always be a kid to me.

I just hope that all of you remember Joe and take all the good parts with you. Joe would still want you to have lots of fun, to do good in school, to act silly and crazy sometimes, to appreciate your family, to have goals and work hard, to act respectfully and to show your love to the people who are important to you. He was a great uncle and although you had him in your lives for too short of a time, there a lessons to learn from him if you choose to look for them.

Don't let the pain of what happened overshadow how you think of the world, of life, or how you think of him.

Let him live on, in you. Just as he will in his own children.
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2 comments:

Keith said...

Very well said.

Josh said...

no sorry needed. i wouldnt trade one day knowing joe to forget the pain of not having him here.