Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Heavy

Today is a very heavy day. I don't know how to explain it but everything feels awful. It started this morning when I put Luke on the bus. I feel on the verge of tears at every moment. I feel like nothing is right. I miss Joe so much and the weight of it feels like it might crush me.

4 comments:

Steph said...

All days won't be this way.
Just some.

Even if it crushes you today,
you will stand back up tomorrow.

Breathe. Cry. Lean on someone, if you can. You will make it through.

Tracey said...

Robin,
Hang in there! Your strength will just come to you as you need it. I know you will get through this. You are an amazing sister-in-law, mother and aunt! Just breathe!
I love you!!

Heather said...

Rob, what amazes me most about seeing *some* (barely any) of what you're going through is how you are handling it so well. What I mean by that is very specific, and I want to try to explain. A few years ago I spent a full year in seriously intensive therapy. It was grueling and I was dealing with a *lot* of stuff. I had the most amazing and gifted therapist. One of the biggest things (if not THE biggest) I learned from her was such a simple thing but so complex. It is this: she tried to teach me that in order for us to move forward (emotionally, spiritually, mentally, psychologically, etc.) we need to first allow ourselves to FEEL whatever we are FEELING. I know it sounds basic, but to me it was a truly life-altering concept -- the idea that feelings are just what they are, that we can't control them, that we can't change them, they just are. We can control and change our thoughts/thinking, but we can't do the same with our feelings. So, my therapist taught me, what we need to do is allow those feelings to BE, and allow ourselves to recognize them, allow ourselves to FEEL them, and that way-- eventually -- those feelings can pass *through* us. She described it as waves. With some experiences feelings come into us that are like just one wave that comes and goes. With other experiences feelings end up coming in wave after wave after wave after wave, in a seemingly endless ocean of waves. But, overtime, it will ease and subside *IF* we allow ourselves to feel it. If we allow that then the feelings will pass *through* us. The waves will come (sometimes every single second -- in a day like you had today), but by letting yourself feel it you are doing the absolute most perfect thing. So, this is all just a very long way of saying this: I want you to know that I am in AWE at how good you're doing with this. You're allowing yourself to feel. And that is truly the most healthy and amazing and awe-inspiring thing. You are so incredibly incredible. Keep doing what you are doing and you will be o.k. It is the hardest thing in the world to truly feel it. But it is the best and right thing to do. I love you and I am thinking of you constantly. I feel so far away, but I am here.
Love,
Heather

Heather said...

I love you aunty Robin!!