Sunday, September 9, 2007


Fall is the time of year that we have a house project going on. Usually something "big" gets completed here in the Fall.
Last year Joe and I stained our house. It took well into November before we were forced to stop because of the cold weather. He and I stained on the weekends and I would work on it during the week, usually frantically for 3 hours while Alyssa took her nap. He would often come home at night from work and see where I had stained that day and "yell" at me for going up too high on the ladder. I would look at him like he was crazy to yell at me for something so stupid.
The truth was, that he appreciated my work and was grateful to have that much less to do. And I appreciated that he cared enough to yell at me to not go to high on the ladder.
We had plans to finish staining, add trim, rock the foundation, keep improving the look of the house. That is what we would have been working on this weekend, had he been here. Weekends are difficult.
Those projects weren't completely about getting the work done. Our house is a representation of the teamwork of us as a couple. Our house has always been, since we moved into it almost 8 years ago, a work in progress. I loved to work on projects around the house with him. I miss that. I miss him.
It's hard to think of a season changing. I don't know why that is, except that it further solidifies the obvious, which is that life is going to move on without him. I don't want it to, yet I don't have a choice. No options. It's difficult to deal with.


Tracey said...

Step by step, little by little, bit by bit, season by season, you will get through this!! True strength comes from a strong spirit which I know is inside of you!!

Steph said...

It may not feel like a choice or an option, but not letting this tragedy destroy you and your childrens lives IS a choice.

It's horrendously difficult, but you are doing it, and we're all pulling for you and proud of you.