No one knows what to do or say for someone in my shoes. Grief is individual, different for everyone. In the last few weeks I have been thinking if I had a "perfect" person that was doing/saying exactly what I wanted and needed, what would that person be like? I wanted to write some of it down because it tells a lot about how I am feeling.
That person would:
...understand why one minute I am pissed at Joe for having a motorcycle and the next minute I am grateful that he had a motorcycle.
...know that no matter what I say about Joe, be it in a moment when I am angry at him, that I have the deepest love that one person can have for another. Nothing that I say changes that.
...keep telling me that everything will be okay.
...not call me and expect me to talk for any length of time.
...send me emails.
...tell me stories of other kids who live without their fathers (for whatever reasons) and how they don't seem to have a hole in their heart.
...not tell me detailed stories of other people's grief or their own (about Joe). I can not handle it. Unless I ask.
...not ask me to make plans too far in advance.
...not tell me/let me hear stories of how they found out about Joe's accident. Unless I ask.
...keep bad news from me that I don't need to hear.
...go for walks with me.
...not care that my house is a mess, and not expect me to wait on them when they are here.
...keep telling me that one day I will be happy again and I will think of Joe with a good feeling.
...help me figure out how to store Joe's things. But not make me do it.
...help me through Friday nights. And Sundays.
...show me that this is life......this is not the end of the world. That people get through this.
...know that I was half of the marriage.
...know that the Disco ball was mine.
...give me easy, fast, healthy recipes to feed my kids.
...not be as sad about Joe as I am.
...help me pass time.
...let me know that they think about me often.
...let me know that they will put up with my doom and gloom, for as long as it lasts.
...remember that my toothbrush is the only one in the holder.