Saturday, February 2, 2008

I feel like such a loser for this, but here it goes...

Last year on my birthday Joe sent me a few-- I think three-- dozen roses. A "normal" reaction from a wife would have been "oh that's so nice!", but it was not my reaction. I basically put on a smile and thanked him but on the inside I was pretty much annoyed. The reason why was that many, many times I had told Joe to please NOT send me flowers. I am a total loser, I know. When I see them, instead of seeing the flowers I see a couple hundred dollar bills that we could have spent on something else, preferably something that I wouldn't throw out in a week. Every Valentine's Day I would say to him...."Joe I know you are going to wonder if you should give me flowers and I am telling you that...really, don't, please. I know you love me and I don't need flowers to show me that". I am sure he wondered if it was some sort of man/woman trap and if there was a hidden message in there somewhere. But there wasn't. So anyway...last year on my birthday, this gigantic bouquet of red and yellow roses comes to my door and I was annoyed. Later in the day, I hugged him and brought him in front of the flowers and I said, "...those flowers are beautiful Joe..." and he said "You like them?" and I said, "Yes, I love them.....(and by this time I meant it) and then I said (smiling), "I love them because I want them to be the last flowers you ever get for me." He giggled a little and I said (laughing) "OKAY?! Okay Joe?? Those are the last flowers you're going to buy for me okay?" He knew what I was talking about. We laughed and that was it.

It tears me up inside that I said that to him. I wasn't mad, and he wasn't mad but still, now when I think back I think what a bitch I was to say that to him. Before we got married, when we first lived in our house, I used to buy flowers twice a week and bring them home, because I love flowers. The poor guy was just trying to be nice to me and I couldn't appreciate that, I was focused on.....I don't even know WHAT...but it wasn't the right thing. I should have just let all of my uptightness about wasting money fall by the wayside and have just appreciated my husband buying me a gift. It's stupid. And on a basic level, I can't believe I asked for those to be the last flowers that he ever give me, and they were.



Kim said...

Thanks for sharing yet another intimate detail. Keep writing. What you have to say is always important to me.

Heather said...

Oh Sweetie. You aren't a loser at all, but this post is truly so sad. Thank you for sharing this. I'll be thinking about it a lot. xo Heather