I feel like such a loser for this, but here it goes...

Last year on my birthday Joe sent me a few-- I think three-- dozen roses. A "normal" reaction from a wife would have been "oh that's so nice!", but it was not my reaction. I basically put on a smile and thanked him but on the inside I was pretty much annoyed. The reason why was that many, many times I had told Joe to please NOT send me flowers. I am a total loser, I know. When I see them, instead of seeing the flowers I see a couple hundred dollar bills that we could have spent on something else, preferably something that I wouldn't throw out in a week. Every Valentine's Day I would say to him...."Joe I know you are going to wonder if you should give me flowers and I am telling you that...really, don't, please. I know you love me and I don't need flowers to show me that". I am sure he wondered if it was some sort of man/woman trap and if there was a hidden message in there somewhere. But there wasn't. So anyway...last year on my birthday, this gigantic bouquet of red and yellow roses comes to my door and I was annoyed. Later in the day, I hugged him and brought him in front of the flowers and I said, "...those flowers are beautiful Joe..." and he said "You like them?" and I said, "Yes, I love them.....(and by this time I meant it) and then I said (smiling), "I love them because I want them to be the last flowers you ever get for me." He giggled a little and I said (laughing) "OKAY?! Okay Joe?? Those are the last flowers you're going to buy for me okay?" He knew what I was talking about. We laughed and that was it.

It tears me up inside that I said that to him. I wasn't mad, and he wasn't mad but still, now when I think back I think what a bitch I was to say that to him. Before we got married, when we first lived in our house, I used to buy flowers twice a week and bring them home, because I love flowers. The poor guy was just trying to be nice to me and I couldn't appreciate that, I was focused on.....I don't even know WHAT...but it wasn't the right thing. I should have just let all of my uptightness about wasting money fall by the wayside and have just appreciated my husband buying me a gift. It's stupid. And on a basic level, I can't believe I asked for those to be the last flowers that he ever give me, and they were.

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