On being a widow

I never talk about this kind of stuff here but I could write a book on being a widow and the crappy things about it that are administrative. When you are husband and wife all your "stuff" is intertwined and if you are crazy enough to not have a will (like we were) then everything you own is scrutinized as being "your's" or "his" or jointly owned, and all of this baloney has to go through the court system. It's a pain in the ass and I remember on the days after the accident I looked at my To Do list sitting on my desk and there on the list was "will", as it had been for months. It was stupid not to have gotten it done.

Anyway, my life for the past 9 months has been full of administrative duties that I NEVER thought I would do. I carry around a death certificate because it seems that every time I turn around someone else needs it for something that I need to change in an administrative sense. I can't believe I have a death certificate for my husband, much less have to face it so often. I still get mail addressed to Joe, still get phone calls, I still deal with things that were left undone. Every day.

So, today I answered the phone and the guy on the other end asks to speak with Joe. I give him my standard response which is "Who is this?" and he says it is a courtesy call from the police association or something to that effect. Okay, I thought.... my kids are right here, what will I say....I said...."He is deceased" and the guy says to me "Okay then, I'll call back another time". I FREAKED OUT! I yelled into the phone "DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?" and the guy had already hung up. I was PISSED. What the hell is wrong with people? As a widow you *do* *not* get used to saying these phrases, or at least I haven't in 9 months time, and when someone doesn't even acknowledge your loss and disregards it altogether, well, that's basically cruel.

SO, I am W-A-I-T-I-N-G for that guy to call back and he or whoever else from that organization makes the call is going to get an earful.