Okay, well, one day at a time I guess. Someone asked me in the comments how I am today. I'll start with that.....
Today I am actually pretty good. I had 2 cords of firewood delivered yesterday and I spent the morning moving wood and stacking it. I guess that kept me busy and I like a project. However, I had a thought keep going through my mind that kept the dark cloud over my head, something I am having trouble escaping these days.
I was thinking how I've been stacking wood for years at this house. I have always been the "chief woodstacker". I like doing it but even more than that I liked taking it off Joe's plate of what he'd have to do on his weekends off. He fully expected that he would stack the wood but I would try to get it done while the kids were napping or try to keep them contained outside so I could do it myself. Every day he would come home and say "Huuuuuun, you didn't have to do that!" and he would tell me how he couldn't believe how I got so much of it done.
I am writing this for two reasons. One is because I want to remember how appreciative he acted towards me about stuff. I never want to forget that quality in him that I loved so much. He could have been playing me like a fiddle, knowing that the more he praised the more I would do, but I don't care. The other reason is that although I want to remember that quality forever, it hurt today to know that he isn't coming home. Turns out stacking wood is a lot less fun when you're doing it only to get ready for winter.
The rest of my day was fine. Alyssa and I went to Lowes and got supplies for staining and some more wood racks. She helped me put one of them together outside. By then Luke was home and it was homework and dinner and Jack and bed.
Today was not a bad day. I smiled and even laughed hard a few times. Mostly at myself because believe it or not, I think I am really funny sometimes. Laughter.....what a gift.