Tonight I am devastated.

Once again I am left shocked and in disbelief at what is supposed to be a justice system in this state. At every turn in this case, I have hoped and believed that justice would finally prevail, and at every turn I have been disappointed.

On Saturday I received a letter indicating that the man who drove a dump truck and trailer directly in front of my husband, and killed him, was handed his license back after 4 months of a suspension that was ruled to last 3 years. All this because of a scheduling error and miscommunication on the part of the State of NH, who held the case against the driver. Basically what I have figured out today after talking to the Attorney for the State who is now in charge of the case, and the Strafford County Supreme Court, is that the driver, Jeremy Kean, appealed the decision made by the Hearings Examiner in Concord last summer. Yes, that's right, instead of facing his (very minor) consequence, he asked that it be changed. A new hearing was scheduled for late November. At some point the attorney in charge of this case for the State left his position abrupty and all cases were handed over to a new lawyer. What he told me was basically that this got lost in the shuffle, that the hearing never made it to their calendar so they did not go. On the day when the hearing took place, they were called by the court to say that they were supposed to be there that day. The court said that they were very busy and did not have time to wait for someone to drive from Concord to Dover so they would schedule a new hearing. When the State attorney received notification of the rescheduled hearing (February 19, 2009), he also received information stating that the Judge ordered that Jeremy Kean be given his license back pending the new hearing.

It's really unbelievable to me. Those are the facts and I have a lot more I could add about how this case has been handled since the beginning, but I have to go in a different direction from that right now. I have to go in the direction of getting my feelings out on this happening.

As I said before I am devastated. When I received the letter I was literally shaking in anger and disbelief. This was the one, the ONE consequence that this man faced for his careless and unlawful conduct that resulted in the death of my husband. I am shocked that he would not just take the consequence and think about my kids every day as he went about his business, albeit slightly inconvenienced in that he could not drive. I am SHOCKED that this could even happen at all. I am SHOCKED at the ineffectiveness of the system in this case.

All day yesterday I was on the edge. I felt like I could crumble at any moment. After putting my kids to bed last night I truly felt despair like I have not felt in months. Today while looking for facts on dates pertaining to the above, I found myself rifling through piles of pages of unmentionable reports and evidence in this case. Things that truly would be unimaginable to most people. Information on the injuries Joe received, statements given by people at the scene, medical examiner's findings, THINGS THAT I DO NOT EVER WANT TO BE FACED WITH and there I was doing it again because the system failed me. I have to make sure that things get done properly, look over the shoulder of people who are supposed to be seeking justice for the citizens of this state. It is not right.

Grief is enough to deal with. My family should not be dealing with this too. It is not right.

People should be doing their jobs. Instead I feel like at every turn in this case someone would rather close the book on it and put it in the done pile instead of giving it the time that it deserves. My husband died. Does anyone care?