(My) face of grief

This picture is from about 7 months after Joe died. Every now and then I come across it and I find it hard to stop looking at it.

It brings me back to days when I sat alone and stared for hours, just like this. Not able to move, not able to make any sense of the thoughts in my head. Extreme pain and sadness and confusion. I see it on my face, even though I am looking away.

I think I find myself staring at this girl because I want to talk to her. I know she would understand everything I had to say. I know she could tell me things that would make sense to me. She lost what I lost. My struggles are her struggles. And together we continue on. Fighting every day to make sense. Of things that will never make sense.

I am checking out of this blog for a while. I know people check in on me and it is much appreciated. I am going through a hard time. Alyssa is going through a hard time. I just feel like all I can do right now is sit and stare....try to figure stuff out. How to get Alyssa through her pain and how to take all three of us to the next level that must (please God) be waiting for us.

Peace out people. Be kind to each other.