Monday, August 25, 2008

First Day of Second

Today went okay.

Yesterday however, not okay. I pretty much woke up with just an awful feeling (sometimes that happens, especially on Sundays when I wake up in my own house) and the whole day I was putting off thinking through Luke starting second grade. I cleaned my basement and worked on my lawn after not having a working lawn mower (rider or push---I killed them both) for at least 3 weeks. I have a pretty big yard to take care of and if the grass doesn't get cut regularly then I have to rake it which is a pain in the butt. So anyway, between the basement and the grass, I kept pretty busy, til 6:30pm.....but really what I was doing was trying not to face what I needed to face.

So then I put the kids to bed at eight and walked into the living room and sat down. BIG MISTAKE. The tears just kept coming and coming. I sat pretty quietly for a long time staring into space and the tears just kept running down my face. The whole thing is sad. What can I do? It's just the way it is. And I hate it.

Today however, I felt okay. I might even say I felt "fine". When I took Luke to school I was not on the verge of anything...just regular mommy dropping of her son at second grade types of feelings. Last year it was a true test of self-control to leave that building without letting Luke see me upset. This year was different. But I still hated it.

So school has begun.

1 comment:

Kim said...

I hate it too Robin. I wish I could have been there to help you. Although, it would only have been helpful to me. Being with you and the kids seems to be the only thing that gets me through this. I cannot fill that awful void that you are feeling. I wish I could.