Today went okay.
Yesterday however, not okay. I pretty much woke up with just an awful feeling (sometimes that happens, especially on Sundays when I wake up in my own house) and the whole day I was putting off thinking through Luke starting second grade. I cleaned my basement and worked on my lawn after not having a working lawn mower (rider or push---I killed them both) for at least 3 weeks. I have a pretty big yard to take care of and if the grass doesn't get cut regularly then I have to rake it which is a pain in the butt. So anyway, between the basement and the grass, I kept pretty busy, til 6:30pm.....but really what I was doing was trying not to face what I needed to face.
So then I put the kids to bed at eight and walked into the living room and sat down. BIG MISTAKE. The tears just kept coming and coming. I sat pretty quietly for a long time staring into space and the tears just kept running down my face. The whole thing is sad. What can I do? It's just the way it is. And I hate it.
Today however, I felt okay. I might even say I felt "fine". When I took Luke to school I was not on the verge of anything...just regular mommy dropping of her son at second grade types of feelings. Last year it was a true test of self-control to leave that building without letting Luke see me upset. This year was different. But I still hated it.
So school has begun.