My first moment of true happiness

I've done a lot of really great things in the past year. Fun things that truly are a privilege to be able to do, along with my everyday life which is pretty great in itself. Of course that's apart from this massive gaping hole of losing my love and best friend. But in all of the fun things there was never one instant where I did not feel in the back of my mind a hurting.....an emptiness....a twinge of sadness. It's been with me all along.

Last weekend I had what I would say were the very first minutes of pure happiness where there was nothing but the moment. This story may seem totally crazy or silly or not funny at all, but I am not questioning it...I am just documenting it....and being thankful for it.

It happened like this....I was outside at camp last Saturday night and it was around 12:30am. There were about 6 people there, hanging out, talking and trying to revive a camp fire that was suffocating in wet wood. Sometimes when the fire is not burning well at camp someone will start the leaf blower and get some air into it to get it going. This is common practice there. So Jeff (Chalifour) mentions that we should get the leaf blower going and I tell him "no way....that's too loud, it will wake up Carl and Sandra". So he's totally fine with that. Then a few minutes later he looks at me and says "Well how about we get it going in Steph and Chris's bedroom then?" (that is my sister and brother-in-law who have a camp next to where we were having a fire) and I say "OKAY!". We all talked about it for a little while and laughed about how funny it would be and for some reason I was searching for permission from Keith on the matter. For the record, he did not give it.

Flash forward about twenty minutes when somehow Jeff's plan was becoming reality as we tip-toed through the woods and into the camp where there were at least 8 people sleeping. We were all inadvertently letting out small audible laughs that really we were trying hard to contain....because we had to be quiet. I for one had my hand cupped across my mouth like my 4-year-old daughter does when she is trying not to laugh. Jeff was in front of me and it was dark....I saw him open the bedroom door and pull the rope-start thingy on the leaf blower and the thing roared. Then we all left. We laughed hysterically and walked back to the fire to hash and rehash the event.

We got "in trouble" a few minutes later. Which actually made it a little funnier, if that's even possible.

So that was my moment of happiness. Like I said, it seems crazy and juvenile and I am sure nowhere near as funny in writing as it was in person late at night after a few cocktails. But honestly, it was priceless. I have not laughed that hard in over a year. There is something about starting a leaf blower in someone's bedroom when they are sleeping that is really funny to me. Every time I have thought about it in the past week I have laughed or smiled. That's funny stuff.

(As an aside for those of you thinking "poor Steph and Chris".....don't worry about them....they were over it fast. And trust me, I am sure there will be retaliation. Not on me of course, because I sleep in a room with my two angelic children so I am protected, and of course none of it was my idea. But....Jeff.....man I feel bad for you. You better sleep with one eye open.)